Reflections....

Yesterday was my first time voting in an election and I have to say.... what a disappointment it is....I'm disappointed because there was this tiny spark of hope inside me that thought maybe just maybe this would be a fair and just election. However the results show otherwise and I am truly saddened that the ruling coalition would stoop to such unscrupulous tactics to hold on to their power. Unlike some of my friends, I am not pro-opposition nor am I pro-government. All I want is whoever's in charge to provide Malaysians with more than just the essentials. I want to feel safe when I go out walking around my neighborhood... I want to see little children playing outside their houses during the evenings. I don't want to receive daily updates that tells me yet another person has been robbed  and yet another house has been broken into. It's fact that the current government has not done an adequate job ruling this country. I don't like it when they compare us to countries like Laos or Zimbabwe. I don't want Malaysia to be compared to countries that are worse off than us. I want Malaysia to be compared to Singapore or South Korea and if we cannot compare to those countries, I want the government to reflect on their lacking and try harder to do more for this country. Although I don't show it, I do love Malaysia and I want the government to always strive to do their best to ensure that Malaysia will progress to be a developed country.... Sadly I don't see the progression. I can only see how much we are regressing........ Yesterday was another proof of the regression we are experiencing... All over the Internet, I read and watched what was happening all over the country in the polling stations....Maybe I'm naive for having that spark of hope.... I've always been a cynic and I shouldn't have harbored that spark.... We may have stood up and voiced out our displeasure but has the government heard our cries? I understand change can sometimes be slowly achieved but I wonder how long will it take? Will I still be here when change finally comes? I hope I will be because it will be nice to be able to live in a place where I don't need to state my race when I fill out forms....

*These are just my thoughts and if I upset anyone with my blathering, I apologize*

It's time to end this shit!!

*Rants starts*

I'm getting fucking frustrated with the fact that I'm stuck with all this shit! How the hell am I supposed to do a fucking good job when it is naturally assumed I know everyone's methods and systems! I am learning but evidently I am not learning the right things seeing as I still know shit about anything! Ugh!! I hate work and I never thought I'll be someone who has nothing nice to say about their work... Nothing enjoyable or pleasurable that can be derived from it and I so hate that... I've accepted that I wouldn't be getting chummy with everyone but why the hell is everything so confusing?? The person who's handing over the work to me just assumes that I'm completely familiar with everything!! There is no black and white that states which customer expects what... How can anyone be expected to do a good job immediately when the details of the tasks handed to you were never explained clearly!! When I left my previous company, I explained in detail my duties and daily tasks and I was just a lowly assistant!! It's like I'm constantly muddling through everything and I hate feeling like that!! I know everyone has a different working style but what good are your methods when everything is confusing and messy??

*ends rant*

Waiting for just the right moment...

I am now deliberating over the appropriate moment to emerge from the pit of despair I am currently dwelling in....My main concern is will I be leaping from the frying pan into the fire? What if my next endeavour is worse than the hell I am living in now?? My mind is filled with confusion and I am absolutely unsure of my direction... It is times like this when I feel like I've no words to express myself which is quite strange since I consider myself rather eloquent and I'm known for my verbosity...This birthday I will have much to
contemplate about and it will be a time of introspection... Ah... The joys of being a full-fledged adult...

Exorcist is best horror film ever!

 

Just watched the Exorcist and it’s the best horror movie of all time! After all this time it still manages to captivate me like no other horror movies… Linda Blair scared the fuck out of me when I was kid and now that I’m an adult, I’m still spooked by the movie. Although I won’t get nightmares tonight but I’ll certainly be thinking of floating beds and rotating heads AND the phrase ‘The Power of Christ compels you’ is now stuck in my head and no amount of Kelly songs and Simpsons and South Park quotes can get it out of my head….

 

Why can’t horror movies these days be like Exorcist or Poltergeist? Modern horror movies don’t give the same oomph or maybe it’s my age? After all I watched ‘The Exorcist’, ‘The Omen’ and ‘Poltergeist’ when I was a kid and it affected me deeply… Although the horror movie that impacted me the most was Stephen King’s  ‘It’. It may not be the best horror movie ever made but it was the only one that continuously gave me nightmares when I was young and innocent (that was a short period of my life). All because I used to have a small figurine of a clown on the head of my bed and I kept thinking that it would transform into Pennywise. Even when I threw the stupid thing away, I kept imagining that it would climb into my bed and do unspeakable things to me…. Can’t imagine new films like ‘Paranormal Activity’ or  the new ‘Nightmare on Elm Street’ giving me the same chills… By the way, I never was a fan of Freddy Kreuger or Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers. I thought those were more gory than scary. I’m gonna stop thinking of all these movies and watch a good Simpsons episode circa Season 5 which is like god knows how many years ago…

Bummer….

 

 

Ok… I’ve finished watching all of my favourite TV shows until their current episodes…. All I can say is…. All of them suck balls!! The suckiest is Gossip Girl followed by Bones then House with South Park and Castle tying… I’ve already ranted about Bones and Gossip Girl before this so what exactly is my beef with House? I still love Hugh Laurie as House and I gave a huge YAY when House and Cuddy got together…. It’s just that it has been seven seasons and I’m getting a little meh with the series… As for South Park, most episodes have been meh for ages but I’ve always been a huge fan of the show likewise with the Simpsons and unless Matt Stone and Trey Parker fuck it up so badly that the entire series becomes unwatchable… I’ll continue watching every episode. As for Castle… the show is still relatively new and Castle and Beckett is still a good team and them not being together has not aggravate me as much as the Booth and Bones situation…..

So work sucks (that’s a given), love sucks (hate that bastard but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of ranting about him) now even my fav TV shows have not been giving me any pleasure… I hope to all that is good and pure that my birthday won’t suck this year….. By the way, I love the fact that I’m going to eat my fav food in Ipoh for my birthday!! A tiny silver lining in all that is shitty right now….

Gossip Girl Season 4 is such a huge disappointment….

 

 

*Starts rant*

Ugh!! Just watched the first five episodes of Season 4 and they suck balls!! I HATE CHUCK and EVA!! I have a fucking hard time accepting the fact that Chuck can fall enough with stupid Eva so easily when it took him so long to accept Blair!! What did stupid Eva ever do for him!! Stupid Chuck acting like his past with Blair is such a mistake!! Stupid idiotic BASSTARD!! I swear I’m not watching another episode until Chuck and Blair are back to their old ways and NOT their Season 3 and 4 ways!! Only silver lining in these few episodes was no skanky Jenny Humphrey… Hate her and the actress who portrays her (Taylor Momsen) I wish Jenny would just die!! Serena and Dan just gets on my nerves!! Ok!! The only reason I watch Gossip Girl is because of Blair and Chuck!! Now they are both shadows of themselves and I blame the writers!! I’ll stick to fan fiction for now…  at least I get what I want there….. a better story than what the show is giving right now!!

*Rant over*

On a side note, I hate Bones as well… I get that the writers are not gonna put Booth and Bones together cuz that will signal the end of the show but come on!! You expect me to believe that Booth is in love with Hannah!! Ugh!! All these shows are just pissing me off left and right!! Everything is pissing me off right now…. My work life, my love life even my entertainment!! October has not been a good month for me….

Is this what life’s like???

 

*Sigh* it’s now late October and I’ve officially worked for about 7 months and all I can say is the working life has been less than enjoyable…. At first I was so eager and happy that I have finally sunk my foot into the most important step towards true adulthood….. But as time goes by…. I grew more and more disenchanted…. I’m now in my second job and I cannot derive any form of pleasure from it….I barely communicate with anyone from work (what a change this is compared with my first job) and I count every minute and every hour I’m at work even when I’m busy…. Previously I feel like there are not enough hours for me to do my work… now I feel like time is passing like a snail and I anxiously await for the weekend every day…. Actually it’s more like every other weekend since I work every alternate Saturday…..  Of course, my biggest gripe is that work starts at 8!!! 8 in the goddamn morning!!!! Ugh!! I swear to GOD my next job will be 9-6 and it will be a five day week!!!

I’m so disenchanted with life right now…. I’m this close to being depressed…. Everything from work to love to my favourite shows…. *sigh* Still I will persevere and not sink too deep into the deep dark thoughts that my mind can conjure up at any moment…. Given how insane my imagination can be I’m surprised I’m not even more fucked up than I am now….. I must maintain my sanity for I cannot imagine that my rest of my life will be like this where I’m only filled with despair…..

Learning to breathe....

After reading what I wrote last night, it made realize that I'm living like I breathing underwater... Simply said..... my life sucks and I made it that way..... Yet somehow I can't muster the energy or even the determination to right all my wrongs... Have I really lost my joie de vivre or I never had it in the first place? I cannot seem to recall the feeling of true joy.... Am I experiencing the early onset of senility or have I really been this despondent all of my life... I cannot remember the innocence of my youth and at times I worry that I was born with a soul that will always be tainted with dejection and misery.... Will I ever rise like the phoenix from the ashes or will I never see the light at the end of the dark and desolate tunnel I dwell in?


I know I should learn to let go of my dark thoughts that has haunted me for as long as I can remember but..... I honestly do not know how..... Do I need someone or something to breathe happiness into my soul? Do I or should I even learn to be happy? Isn't happiness an emotion you just experience and not a skill that one needs to learn? All sorts of questions run through my mind with no answers lurking in the shadows.... All these questions only lead to one great question..... Is it harder to be alive or to live? Maybe one day I'll have an epiphany and learn life's secrets.... Although it is far likelier that I will continue searching for answers that will never be found....

I wonder....

Now that I've cast off the chains of my adolescence, I wonder where will my path lead me to... A life of bitterness, regrets and sorrow or a life of mediocrity.... Will I be one of the lucky ones who finds joy and happiness? I highly doubt that I will be one of the lucky ones... Lady Luck has never favoured me.... Over the years, I've learnt that love is something that is precious and rare and I'm unlikely to experience for longer than a moment let alone a lifetime....

Frankly, I find it a little sad and pathetic that all I have learnt about love is that it is like taking a bad fall... in the end you're left broken and scarred with only the memories of pain that fills your sleep with nightmares... I'm well aware of my own failings but never have I been so absorbed with my own ineptitude in dealing with the pain in my soul that I have lost sight of all that is good and pure in the world... Living a life filled with vices has not given me the release I sought.

Alcohol has not liberated me from the ache that fills my heart..... It has only gifted me with the knowledge that no matter how much you want to move on, you're still stuck in the same spot you were in years ago....Smoking has only led me to think that people only do that to delude themselves into thinking that their troubles will drift away like the smoke that filled the air..... Binge eating has only led me to the constant taste of bile that fills the throat that the thought of food no longer fills me with pleasure....

I've wondered what the hell is wrong with me that I can't feel even the slightest bit of joy in starting something new.... All I feel is the apprehension that any contentment I experience will disappear the moment I let my guard down.... Learning not to care about anything and everything has made me numb and it is in this numbness that I revel in knowing that I will never experience the pain of betrayal and heartbreak again.... I no longer care that happiness will not be part of my destiny... I no longer wonder what is this thing that people call love... I no longer desire for a different life... I only wish that numbness will be my constant companion for now and for eternity.....

Why so blue??

Seriously... I've been feeling rather maudlin for the past few weeks and I honestly don't think it's my bad cold/cough. I mean I can understand if it's the onset of PMS but it's too early in the month for me to have PMS!! Ugh!! It's like I've this deep dark abyss that's dwelling inside me but I don't have an outlet to unleash it. What's worse, this indescribable feeling I have now is disconcerting as hell but I can't seem to get rid of it!! On a side note, I've been addicted to 'Geo Explorer' on Facebook for the past few days and I'm like this close to beating my brother who has the top score. Yes... I know it's tres lame but since when have I cared what's lame and what's not *snickers* even I think I'm the mistress of bullshitting and I don't think anyone will buy the idea that I'm all about individualism....

Yes.... I know it's been like eons.....

It's September and my eighth month in good ol' Perth. Spring has finally started even though it feels like winter never really ended. I'm in my final semester and I'm currently just stayin afloat the deep dark ocean of studies and assignments (I honestly asked for it since I'm taking 5 third year subjects). Still after two months of basically lounging around and spending money, I do realize that the holidays have got to end sometime so why not now? So I've basically endeavored to achieve my best result (of course if I can achieve this without exerting my best efforts, then I'll be one happy gal!!).


My mother and I in Fremantle, Perth (June 2009)


Many have asked me about my future plans and more importantly, whether I'm returning to K.L. I can assure you, mes amis, I will return at the end of the year because I don't think I can survive the full blast of summer in Perth. I may actually dissolve like the Wicked Witch of the East. Well... I have to admit my wicked tendencies but I do have to say that it is very much impossible for me to melt especially if you pour me with water. Sometimes I wonder what the hell goes on in my head that I spew such crap!! So enough with my nonsense!!


Swan Valley trip with new flatmates (July 2009)


I will be officially 23 this year and my first thought is where have all the time gone? I feel like I've barely experienced anything momentous enough that I'll still remember it when I'm wizened with age and riddled with illnesses. Of course, my life has it's usual dramas that I personally feel are so trite...I'm feeling strangely melancholy today to the extent I feel like nothing in my life makes me remotely happy..... It's distressing when even Kelly Clarkson and Gossip Girl can't shake me out of my blues..... I wonder if this is the first sign of depression or old age...



Misc. pictures with friends


Over the years, I've met some wonderful and not-so- wonderful people but it is not until a few months ago, I realized that some people whom I deemed great friends of mine don't really understand me at all (Yes... I do admit that sometimes even I lack the ability to understand myself but these people know my fundamental personality!). As a result, I willingly severed ties with them though some had called me callous. I stand by my decisions because I'm done pandering to the whims of others whom I feel aren't worth my time. Life's too short for me to play the snivelling coward.....I think I've said enough.... and it's time I break free of all these meaningless dramas....

P.S.: My apologies for the lack of happiness in this post but I honestly can't muster my usual joie de vievre. I shall endeavor to be more buoyant next time.

YAY!! Easter break is here!!

Whoo Hoo!! I am so gonna enjoy the fact that I have a two week Easter break starting from next week!! Sadly... this is also the time for me to immerse myself in the deep dark world of assignments!! As scary and petrifying as that sounds (to me at least)... I am well aware that it is an unavoidable chore... Of course the silver line is that no classes for two weeks!!

Anyway for the past month or so, my flatmates and I were 'terrorized' by a spider!! Ok... so that's like a major overstatement seeing as the spider isn't even in the house and it actually did nothing to us but hey spiders are scary especially icky looking ones!! I mean it's right outside the main entrance of the flat, the web is on top of the table and chair!! My friends who come and visit me are sorta afraid to use that entrance at night since it only comes out at night... The web is big but thankfully none of us had any 'encounter' with it... Still as the flat representative, I had to finally do something about it when two nights ago I saw the spider expanding the web to the glass window! So I told the maintenance guy and he got rid of the web and I showed him the picture of the spider. He told me it was a huntsman which I know is not poisonous and is actually quite shy. If it was a redback I would totally recommend killing it because I'm not gonna risk getting myself bitten by a poisonous spider!! So the spider has not been seen since last night so whoo hoo!!



Another YAY moment for me is... I have a new pair of boots the most functional pair I have. The heel is chunky and it's only like two inches and it costs 70 dollars. It's the cheapest I could find that also suits both my practical and vain side. So YAY!!



I also managed to finally to get an appointment with the owner of Fremantle Chocoloate Factory next Friday to interview him!! I'm going this Sunday with my roommates because I've never been there before!! I may actually buy some sugar free chocolate!! They have like 300 types of chocolate there!! Whoo Hoo!!

Kelly also performed at the Mardi Gras in front of like 50 thousand people last week (her biggest solo crowd to date)!!! Here's a video of her singing Happy Birthday to her guitarist ( this is the clearest audio I could find the others I can barely hear her because everyone was singing so loudly!!)

Rejection.... thy name is Sherry.... *sigh*

Here's the thing... I have a group project for 'Entrepreneurship 300' where we have to interview the owner of a local business to see whether he's an entrepreneur....Since I'm the project leader I'm the one doing the calling and the e-mailing. Yesterday, I've called up at least 7 businesses and they've all rejected because the owners don't accept interviews or they are not based in Perth....I've even tried this bubble tea cafe 'Utopia' in Northbridge but the owner can't speak English which isn't gonna work only two members of the group understands Mandarin. The other businesses I've tried is Roc Candy, Margaret River Chocolate, Walker's Cafe, Candy Cow, Utopia, The Cheesecake Shop, Fast Eddy's, The Bicycle Entrepreneur and Miss Maud. The good thing is I've tried Fremantle Chocolate Factory and the owner accepts interview and is available two weeks from now!!! So I'm now just waiting for the confirmation.... Still I have a contingency plan. My group mate knows someone who owns a diving company and is available for interview but the business is going bankrupt soon... Ooh.. I'm also trying to get Miss Maud but she still hasn't returned my reply yet... But dude...if I can interview Miss Maud herself, I think it's quite cool!! Still... 9 rejections for interview in one day is quite depressing... but let's not forget.... perserverance.... thy name is also Sherry...

Kelly has a number one album!!! YAY!!!

Oh My God!!!! Kelly has a number one album in US!!!!! Congratulations!! This is like major major HUGE news to me and it's so awesome to know that my dear beloved Kelly's promotional efforts has payed off what with performing in American Idol, Good Morning America and SNL!! She'll also be performing in Oprah and Jay Leno!!! AHHH!!! She has sold 254,111 albums since she released in 10 March 2009!! This is taken from the Hits Daily Double. According to the site, 'HDD numbers are compiled from sales data submitted by record vendors to the industry publication, Hits Daily Double. It's a good indication of what the official Nielsen Soundscan (Billboard 200) numbers will look like later in the week.'

CHART DATE: 03/16/2009
LAST UPDATE: 03/17/2009 13:05:58

Here are her performances from American Idol, Good Morning America and SNL!! Awesome performances!!!



American Idol


Good Morning America


Saturday Night Live- My Life Would Suck Without You


Hook Up

I know it's been so long.... but here I am....

I know it's been like two or maybe even three weeks since I've updated so mucho apologies!! Anyway... I've been really busy with group meetings and presentations.... but no matter how busy I get, I still managed to grab the deluxe edition of Kelly's new album 'All I Ever Wanted'!!!! God I love that girl/woman!!! I've been listening to her non-stop (not the CD though.... the mp3's cuz I'm not gonna let the CD get scratched in any way!!). She's now embarking on her US promotion tour and she had performed on Idol and SNL!! Her performances are beyond fantastic but I have to admit, I wasn't a big fan of her fashion choices but.... I'm not a fan because of her fashion choices, I'm a fan because of her beautiful voice!! And major kudos to me!! I managed to get two of my friends to admire and appreciate Kelly's songs and live performances!! YAY!!! AND KELLY'S COMING TO AUSTRALIA IN MAY/JUNE!!! I'm just not too sure whether she's coming to Perth!! So i'm keeping my fingers crossed!!! PLEASE COME, KELLY!!! Don't make me fly all the way to Melbourne to see you!!

I'm majorly happy about the great reviews Kelly has been getting and the amount of airplay she's getting over here!! It does a fan's heart a whole world of good when she hears her idol getting so much love after the lack of love and all the misunderstandings she got for 'My December'. I'm also ecstatic about the fact that Kate Winslet finally won an Oscar and her speech was hilarious and sweet!! Although, I do wish Meryl Streep gets the recognition she deserves but hey, if she can get nominated 16 times, she'll get lots more nominations and she'll win again one day.... Still... I love Kate!! Amazing isn't it that my two favourite female celebrities' names starts with K and the both of them are not the typical skinny Hollywood type and they're talented as hell!! That just means I'm starting to lose my love for just plain aesthetic beauty!! Whoo!! I'm maturing!!! Now if I'll just stop loving Johnny Depp for just his looks then I can officially announce I'm no longer a superficial bitch!!