Learning to breathe....

After reading what I wrote last night, it made realize that I'm living like I breathing underwater... Simply said..... my life sucks and I made it that way..... Yet somehow I can't muster the energy or even the determination to right all my wrongs... Have I really lost my joie de vivre or I never had it in the first place? I cannot seem to recall the feeling of true joy.... Am I experiencing the early onset of senility or have I really been this despondent all of my life... I cannot remember the innocence of my youth and at times I worry that I was born with a soul that will always be tainted with dejection and misery.... Will I ever rise like the phoenix from the ashes or will I never see the light at the end of the dark and desolate tunnel I dwell in?


I know I should learn to let go of my dark thoughts that has haunted me for as long as I can remember but..... I honestly do not know how..... Do I need someone or something to breathe happiness into my soul? Do I or should I even learn to be happy? Isn't happiness an emotion you just experience and not a skill that one needs to learn? All sorts of questions run through my mind with no answers lurking in the shadows.... All these questions only lead to one great question..... Is it harder to be alive or to live? Maybe one day I'll have an epiphany and learn life's secrets.... Although it is far likelier that I will continue searching for answers that will never be found....